Mindreading in and the components of relationships (March 8, 2009)

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    Michelle Young

    Michelle - Orkut shot Michelle YoungMar 8, 2009 
    Mindreading in and the components of relationships
    In another thread, someone mentioned that your significant other should be able to tell how you feel without your needing to say it. That opens up some thoughts here that we can discuss solely on this subject:

    What components, for you, make a good relationship? This is not the same thing as what do you look for. Think more deeply about the person, not whether s/he is great looking and has a great body or is sexy, etc. That’s superficial stuff because we all change; men get beer bellies or turn into flabby couch potatoes; women change just from giving birth; we all turn grey, we all get wrinkles sooner or later. So let’s get beyond all that. Do you think you should be able to read your partner’s mind if it’s truly a good relationship? What else do you feel should provide the foundations of a relationship that offers the potentials of permanence in your life?

    g..G..g..G..g..G g..G.. – Mar 9, 2009
    if i really love her then i wouldn’t even say that ‘i love her’…. i would just want to hug her without saying a word….

    Michelle - Orkut shot Michelle YoungMar 9, 2009
    Guys, what I’m looking for is what you believe would lend to making a strong relationship. For instance, g..G..g..G..g..G believes he doesn’t have to tell her that he loves her, that a hug would be enough. No offense to him, but I hope she’ll be able to mindread enough to know whether that’s a hug of friendship or of love. For that matter, I hope she’ll be able to mindread enough to know what day the wedding is! 

    Abdul, use your imagination. It’s a good exercise for all of us–even those of us who have been through the steps and blew it.  We have several weddings that recently took place and some coming up. Perhaps what we discuss here will help these people to think about what will help them in strengthening the bonds they have too.

    Irene - Orkut shot Irene D’SilvaMar 9, 2009
    Over the years I have realized you will never know a person 100%, no matter how many years you spend with him/her. I believe communication is the key to a better understanding of the significant other. Unfortunately people these days have no time to sit down and talk about anything-good or bad. Everybody is busy with their own lives and love is just a convenience these days.

    Pritpal-प्रितपाल Singh-सिंह – Mar 9, 2009
    Michelle! What I think is that this mind reading ability develops during the initial years after you first get introduced to each other. The more openly both have discussed there feelings and thinkings about each and every aspect of life the more they will be able to guess and tell about whats going on in other fellows mind. I believe for example if we never touch (discuss) one corner of our life the other half will never be able to find out. So this mind reading ability develops over the years. 
    And yes, with experience and exposure to life sometimes we are able to guess about lesser known person as well.
    Third and the last is sixth sense. I suppose, we discussed that else where as well.
    Hope my debut small note is fine.
    Spring is coming and I wish everyone here that comings days will bloom with happiness and peace for all time to come!

    Michelle - Orkut shot Michelle YoungMar 9, 2009
    What I think is that this mind reading ability develops during the initial years after you first get introduced to each other. The more openly both have discussed there feelings and thinkings about each and every aspect of life the more they will be able to guess and tell about whats going on in other fellows mind.

    But if this is the crux of what you’re saying, you still initially were told their feelings because you discussed it. Therefore, is that mindreading?  A commonly asked question here in the USA is “when was the last time you told your spouse you loved him/her?” From what someone was saying earlier, that shouldn’t be needed, that a hug should be enough. Do you agree? Is it enough? Do you automatically know? Or would you miss the words even if you knew?

    Pritpal-प्रितपाल Singh-सिंह – Mar 9, 2009
    oops…I did a mistake its their* not there

    Michelle, about your specific question, see we are human and always like to hear sweet words. More is always better if it is sweet. But as far as mind reading is concerned we need not have even a hug; a simple glance can tell us if there is love or not. This ability of finding out matures with time as well as, like other abilities different persons have different inbuilt capabilities too.

    Sagar Roger SagarsMar 9, 2009
    Do you think you should be able to read your partner’s mind if it’s truly a good relationship?
    Yes…yes….yes and telepathy too. 
    (…and I am not joking!)

    (But unless, they are having some Mercury trine/sextile Neptune aspects in the synastry chart, will that be possible? I would like to believe that even in absence of these aspects, after spending some quality time , reading your partner’s mind is possible.) 

    Michelle, by mistake I pressed ” report spam ” in this thread and it got highlighted. I hope I haven’t done any harm.

    Michelle - Orkut shot Michelle YoungMar 9, 2009
    All is well. You didn’t send this to the spam folder. 

    Raghunandan …….. – Mar 9, 2009
    Well I think this should be simple enough, you need not sit and tell each and everything you like or don’t like, if you do notice that people(look at yourself) tend to ignore or in the sense they fail to pay attention to the behavioural changes of the other person (or partner)..if can think of having a pet (or have a pet), do you expect it should come and tell you everything, for example your dog wants to go out,it doesn’t come to you and ask you to take out but instead by just giving a look at it you can say what it wants… is it hungry, tired or bored and you act accordingly to make it fell better and you do it without even being said a word. In the case of your partner or other person around, you don’t tend to give the same attention (I don’t blame all some people do and some don’t) and expect them to come and speak to you, but you would think what’s harm in speaking out the things, you can put yourself in such a position and take up a test. Go to a restaurant and what if the waiter doesn’t even serve you a glass of water without you demanding for it and you are annoyed thinking of what kind of service is being provided at the restaurant and see again there is no harm in asking for a glass of water to a waiter ( I guess), but in the end you want it to be done without being asked for. 
    So the point why can’t your partner expect the same thing from you (not for a glass of water ;-)), but the basic thing you can say, to understand her/him.
    I guess all in all it is how much you care for each other and try to fulfil each other’s expectations and I don’t think you need to have any special powers to understand a person or neither you need to understand him 100% as the expectations can change with time, all you need is to pay little “attention ” this is what I would like to say caring for each other
    I am not a good writer though, but I managed to put up thoughts here, please ignore any grammatical mistakes (and even same applies for my thoughts too)…..

    M L – Mar 9, 2009
    Compassion and Empathy are a MUST – if they are not there, then RUN for dear life – it is not SAFE to be vulnerable with that person.

    Trustworthiness is another must have – else you will never be able to be vulnerable with the person.

    Mind-reading is a fantasy, but what IS required is the skill to read the pain in the eyes of the other person, without the person speaking it up. Only emotions like Confusion and Pain and Love can be read in the eyes – mind reading can go up only to that extent – you can read emotions silently – even better than words – but you can’t read wishes and statements (like I want that particular watch for a gift this valentine !! lol !!!)

    Jenny Ross – Mar 10, 2009
    I would have to say that communication is a must. However what works in one persons relationship may not work in another. 

    So, for example, there may be enough understanding built up in a relationship over time where it seems that words or gestures are not necessary because each knows how the other feels. This comes from an investment of time and working through what works and what does not work. However, it is important to note that at some point it things left unsaid may need to be said again and thus more work ensues.

    I do not think that mindreading is possible. Sure there may be times when you can see that someone may feel hurt or angry or happy, but that’s just picking up on non-verbals. A good rule of thumb though is that if you do not say what you are thinking or feeling than someone else may not pick up on it. 

    For me at this moment, what is most important in a relationship are two people who want to be there. That is a good start with which to build from in whatever direction it may go.

    Srikanth … – Mar 11, 2009
    I might not be able to understand her totally, but I would love to. But if she expects me to, then I am in a fix. Same holds for me too. If I expect her to understand what is on my mind with out communicating with her, I am in danger. I would feel happy if she could do that. But it is not always possible. 

    The least I expect is communication (in any form). It is a must.

    мα∂нανι ν кツ ………. – Mar 16, 2009

    any relationship will flourish with trust….once you lose it then that is hard to gain back..

    in a true and good relationship , yes we can or we must be able to read our partner’s mind…thats what i believe….or what i like to believe..

    Michelle - Orkut shot Michelle YoungMar 17, 2009
    Well, it came as a result of my concern for someone who seemed to imply that one simply can read another person’s mind when you are in love. I ended up curious to see how others felt, and the fantastic thoughts coming out in this thread were the obvious result. I hope people will continue if they feel the need. 

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